Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
