you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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