One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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