I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
So vagazzling was a success
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
