you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
