i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
