so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
