she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
i've created a new STD.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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