It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
