I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
