well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
