I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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