somebody snuck up and got me drunk
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
