He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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