I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
