sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
