Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
