? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
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It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
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Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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