he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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