Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize