Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
honey bunches of taint.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
