There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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