I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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