I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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