If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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