I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
