i was born a porn star she said
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
