i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
