I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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