Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
