you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
