i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
