and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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