I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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