I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
