He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just invented taco cereal.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
