i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
