She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
