I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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