So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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