Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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