You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
