1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I want a musical about memes.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
