Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
