sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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