Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm getting married
To pizza
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
how drunk are you?
Several
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
