they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
