I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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