He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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