so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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