The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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