Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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