shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
