Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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