what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
