When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
