So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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