I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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