it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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