K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
