i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
