Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
