you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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