Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
