If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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