I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
foreskin is a definite game changer
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
