Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
