rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
