you guys were way drunker than both of me
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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