He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
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I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
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In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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