Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
