i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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